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Stop fantasizing about what your life could be.

Your fantasies are misinformed, poorly thought-out, and limited ideas for what your life could be, at best.

When we fantasize, we pull from our ideas of what we think our life could be, most often based on what what we have seen others do.

We’ll often imagine having someone else life. And sometimes, we don’t just want to have their life, we want to be them.

Some of the reasons that this is problematic may be obvious:

First, you don’t actually know what what your muses’ lives look like. You’ve likely failed to paint an accurate picture. It’s a classic case of “the grass is always greener.”

But perhaps more sinister, you’re limiting yourself to only the outcomes that you can concretely imagine. Outcomes that feel tangible because you can seen someone else see them through.

There-in lies the issue:

When you limit the universe to your ideas for your life, you inherently rule out the only path that is truly meant for you.

The one that you cannot possibly imagine, because it has yes to be lived. Because it is uniquely yours.

You are asking the Universe to choose between your frivolous, misinformed ideas for yourself, and she is trying to tell you

“You can do so much more”

She tries trying to tell you this on a daily basis, through small bids for attention. She tries to tell you this through a series of small nudges and ideas and curiosities. She will whisper to you your next steps, if you’re willing to listen.

So Instead of fantasizing, stop and listen to these universe’s bids for attention.

A bid for attention is a term coined by relationship expert John Gottman as the small things a person will do the create connection in a relationship with another person. To foster a healthy relationship, he encourages you to take these bids for attention.

I venture that in our relationship with our own intuition, she gives us bids for attention to connect us with our own life path.

She will gently push you to pick up the paintbrush.

She will make a book on the shelf glimmer so much that for some reason, it catches your eye and you’ll take it home with you.

Sometimes, she will rest her hands on your shoulders. She will gently turn your focus elsewhere, when you have gotten off track. A subtle shift of mind , you will call it. A moment that brings you back to the present.

She will encourage you to apply for the job.

To pick up the phone.

To go for a walk.

To let it go.

This is how you will get somewhere that no one else has gone. Because no one else is you.

An amateur, misinformed ideal of the future looks just like someone else’s present. It looks like, “I want to have her life.” It lacks authenticity and the personal touch that only your own intuition can bring.

What happens when you choose to listen to your intuition and follow her through life, is that you cannot describe your destination so clearly, because you are creating it. Sure, you may have some idea about where you are headed. You may get glimpses of where she is leading you.

If you are familiar with Christian theology, you may know the verse, “Your word is a lamp for my feet…” This is a helpful framework for believers and non-believers alike:

When it comes to your future, you passions, your purpose, act as though you have a lantern, not a flashlight or a roadmap. A lantern makes only your next steps clear. It forces you to be focused, to be present in the moment.

You do not have a floodlight. You cannot see all that is ahead so clearly. Because the beauty is in each day, each moment, and each step forward, and your intuition will guide you towards these.

Listen to her. Trust that she knows more than you.

Let your small ideas for your own life dissolve into nothingness in favor of something greater.

When life brings you curiosities and nudges, say thank you. Say I do not know how this fits into my path, but I trust that it does in a way much greater than I will conjure on my own.